Lessons from Life : Relationships Vs Social Bonds

The single biggest threat to your SOUL GROWTH are social bonds.

I have a friend that telepathically communicates with animals. She is a treasure trove of love and healing, yet, she has eyes that are tinged with sadness. Such humans are rare. For me, to have a friend like this is an honour. Her idea of a break is a cuddle from her animal beings or else She gets instantly invigorated after a chat with the animal family. This keeps her soul fresh and mind relaxed.

Relationships ARE NOT  THE SAME  as social bonds.

Discussing relationships is an oxymoron. Its probably the most difficult and yet the most easiest topic to write about. I believe that a Relationship is in actuality a “connect”. Its two or more aligned souls walking the path together.

It’s all about

  1.  Being a part of the others journey sharing wisdom and learning.
  2.  Adding quality and flavour to the combined journey.
  3.  Sharing everything and yet having no demands, no bindings
  4.  It’s simply exploring and expressing the UNCONDITIONAL love within ourselves to the fullest !!!!

In this below table, I am attempting to differentiate between social bonds and relationships

Relationshipanimal-n-me-5

heart-meditation-1

Social bond

human-lifetime-will-end-23788786

Driven by Soul growth. Better and better Self awareness over time

Driven by wanting to be secure. Make things more predictable

Heart based – Fluid (Unconditional love, compassion).

Program (mind) based – rigid (culture, religion, society driven norms).

Unconditional love (I enjoy doing, I enjoy the other’s presence). Crunch situations are driven by multiple choice actions. Relationships that are heart based will not have multiple choice actions. They act as one.

Obligation (I have to do, sacrifice, compromise, in a crunch situation the team is more important than the self)

There is freedom of expression and service. Anything can change anytime.

Responsibilities are hard coded

Age matters not.

Time driven. Age matters

Soul driven : A dog can be in a relationship with its soul partner (socially known as owner)

Form driven. Sex, species, ethnic origin, dressing, matters

Much feelings of Gratitude a lot of the time

Feelings of burden emerge and peek out every once in a while

Quality of life experience rules the journey.

Ambitions, deadlines rule the roost. Time runs the journey

You can be physically alone and yet be in a relationship with yourself..and feel NO Loneliness.

You need the others to fulfill your idea of who you are.

Identity has almost no role.

Names mean much. Family name (therefore marriages, kids and so on). Identity drives everything. This systems constantly craves for eternal identity (recognition).

There is much contentment and limited rules (aka rigidity).

Ambition (competition / comparison) is inbuilt (family house, kids education, 2nd car, 76” TV set, vacations in exotic locations).

The need to be entertained (de-stress) is very less.

Since this choice is driven by predefined obligations, there is limited freedom, hence life is stressful. Hence the need for constant entertainment.

Life is mostly spontaneous. Embrace the unknown.

Eliminate the insecure elements. Much planning is needed (save money, create and work towards team holiday time)

Attempt to flow with life wherever it takes you

Attempt to control life / destiny

Aligned to nature. Freedom is central to this kind of existence.

Aligned to man’s collective intelligence (Conformance)

Conscious Inter-dependency. Individuality is celebrated by all.

Unconscious Dependency. Individuality is compromised.

What the world thinks of us is none of our business. We just live to see the truth and symbiotic-ally co-exist with all life

What the world thinks of us is important. Social media is a key way of expressing who we are. Following the right protocols (ritual) to be accepted becomes important.

Creative, Unique

Cut and Paste.

Why are familiar bonds, social ties so exhausting? That is because they tend to become a job, a routine affair, a business, give and take, fixed duties and responsibilities, inflexible (parent, grandparent, kids grandkids). Once in, there is no escaping, we are in one or more such roles all the time, and society expects you to play role well.

birth-to-death-2The most common role that we are in all the time, is the biological family setup.

I am going to focus on the ties between parents and kids. In our life we are either someone’s parents or someones kids.

Parents !!!!!

They have come together as a social bond. Very few break the norm and come together for love. Anyway, these two are now required to have a kid or kids depending on the culture they are wedded into and not only that they have the huge responsibility of taking care of them till their teens, youth, even old age in some cultures.

Tribal cultures are exceptions. They tend to be a collective and kids are the responsibility of the entire community. So, biological parents do not have any performance pressures ( manners, schooling, then marriage and grand kids). The community is the role model for the kids who seem to turn out fine unless they are lured by the wiles of technology / modernization.

In cities,the parents have a huge task of feeding, clothing , schooling, matchmaking, finally babysitting the grandkids.

On the flip side, we have parents who have kids with a definitive purpose / function

  • they the parents will be looked after and provided for in their old age by the kids

  • the kids will earn for them

  • social status

  • the kids will aim to  live the parent’s unfulfilled dreams

  • continue the family name, traditions

  • This becomes coercive in the sense that the parent is stuck to the house and has to keep on earning

kids- the result of two people who before a social gathering and a religious head or some socially important person vow to live together, till death. Many a times, they know a small aspect or nothing at all of each other and buckle under social pressures or their own biological clock pressure and have kids.

These little beings who are born, many of them, have a strong angelic and spiritual connect, the infants are slowly but surely brainwashed into getting into the competitive world of school, job, marriage, kids and . . .

They are taught pretty early on that the parents are responsible for their wellbeing and welfare until they can fend for themselves. Thus they take the parents for granted and Parents become an ATM, house keepers, doormats, punching bags and later on free nannies.

It may seem very anti social and seem like tearing apart the fabric of the society ie the family, yet viewed honestly tell me how many of us are truly happy with our jobs at home. If we are, then why do we need MOTHER’s Day, FatHER’s Day. ?

There would be no need for a vacation, since there will be only joy and love at work !!! There is no space for arguments, tears and tantrums. No one is exhausted and yelling at each other. There is no need to ask for “ my own space” or a place to breathe, and let one’s hair down.

So let us come to accept the fact that a home maker’s job is not for up for taking. If it is taken up, then additional hands, machines are needed.

Kids are fun only when they are occupied with a telly or a gaming console, a cell phone or any other gadget.

Parents are old fashioned and ok but the moment there is a request/ demand/ order to fall in line with the home rules or social rules, then all hell breaks loose.

Am keeping this short and simple. Look at your family ties closely….are you in a social bond or a relationship. How to know this easily —-  you should feel energised with the setup. If you are tired then revisit the situation.

The moment you lose energy disconnect for a while or for ever for it is toxic. It can be a disconnect from a kid, parents, spouse, pets, chores, jobs anything.

The moment you feel tired and bogged down, look within. Relax! Breathe! Take a break ( one hour, day or week as it may be )pamper your self then get back.

To sum up am putting in a Poem by Khalil Gibran, it matches my views on parenthood.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

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