Lessons from Life – Jumping the Chasm

A good healer is almost always spontaneous.

TAKING THE LEAP

Before you start to read this note….you need to qualify for yourself whether you are ready for this message. You do this for your own self. If you are ready (aligned), then this note will help shed many questions, if not…it will belligerently raise many more. Either way it is okay…what is interesting and important to your own awareness is where you stand at the beginning (just before you do this note).

In any case, I write this note for me. While it might seem its aimed at you…..it is written purely for my sake….to start to share that something within me that is seeking this form of expression. As I attempt to label my feelings that are driving me to this piece of action I sense within me a lot of caring, a strong need to want to communicate something beautiful and exquisite (it is still emerging), much compassion and my wanting/need to help absorb any hurt (not too overtly, just so you can become balanced in what you do…up to a point…and its calculated and conditional), also a mild sense of incompletion (I am acutely aware that if I let this fester this feeling could magnify itself into guilt and regret…which I am determined not to allow), and mostly it’s a creative feeling….happy to have existence deliver all its various flavours of messages (hidden, straight forward, implied) to you through this message, at this moment (the right time) on your journey.

At a simplistic level let us look at what makes us comfortable about what we call truth. Take a step back and look at your own journey so far and look at it objectively. Attempt to take your emotions away and stick to pure judgment and calculations. (Just intellect, no heart required). Let us look at examples that most of us are familiar with.

  1. Education
    1. How much of what you studied is relevant / applicable / useful in your day to day life today. (History, physics, organic chemistry, trigonometry, calculus, geography, sanskrit,  french, german, japanese…and all the many subjects that we so mugged / by hearted by rote / spent many many hours practicing and solving before exams….all the entrance exams and interviews you did…all of that, how much of this is really relevant ). Look back at the individuals who taught you, your parents, your school teachers, your tutors at private college, your friends, you lecturers at college, your corporate trainers….all of them. How many of them do you remember. How many of them truly loved what they taught and were masters of their own chosen subjects. How many others were simply passing on to you what they had heard (hand me downs or HMD as we will call them from now on)
  2. Romantic love
    1. It started off with great promise. Look at your case and all around you. What has it left behind. Clearly, its not the same thing that it was when it started. Are you with me. It has metamorphosed greatly. Form, shape, size, flavour, colour….all of it has changed if not gone missing. The long term physical manifestations such as marriage and the rest of it, family, kids and so on…have taken on dimensions and meanings that you were not really planning for….is that not true ?
  3. Career
    1. If you were given a choice. ….what would you much rather be today ? How many of you dreamed you would be doing what you are doing today. Common be truthful.
  4. Money
    1. How much do I need (very personal question,…and answer this truthfully). How much did I need when I was in the 10th std, how much in college, how much when I was single, when I was married w/o kids, ….just look at it stage by stage….. Look at the essentials that YOU THINK YOU NEEDED at each one of these times. Let me explain, when I was in college my most important need was a pair of Levi’s jeans (original) which I could get my hands on, the rest (food, movies, any travel, laundry) was all taken care off by my IRs 350/month allowance. At a later stage, a motorbike got into the picture and the need to sustain a girl -friend. After many years that became a car and a 3 bedroom house and basic living amenities. However, my most important elements were a cell phone, some free space for myself to exercise and my internet connection these became essentials). Now impressions of these needs and wants will vary with time and the level of maturity you experience and the depth to which you can be free and naked with yourself.
    2. Next look at your actions and career/business choices/ social circle/lifestyle….and do a gentle cross check as to whether all of this are in congruence to your real needs. What do I mean by this. If I look at my need statements above, and look at everything I did at that time (choices I made, career options I pursued, investments choices I made)…all of these were not just to sustain what I needed but much more (significantly more) than that (10 to 100 times more than what was needed). I was driven by the following
      1. A fear of losing what I had achieved (I was insecure). Save for the rainy day !!! As if deep down I felt that I did not deserve to have what I had and therefore it would be taken away from me
      2. Constantly pulled by aspirations and targets that were not mine. Our neighbours visited new Zealand last year, so we should too !!!
  • As an expat, my multi-national company pays me US$ 20,000 per year for my child’s education so I need to maximise on this allowance. Hence my child went to a British Curriculum school ( Fees : US$ 1500 a month) rather than a native school ( Fees : US$ 100/month). However, if you map my undeclared personal aspiration, I always knew that one day we would be back in my native land, it made much more sense to align my child’s mind to the native system. These thoughts apply as we were living as expats. At no time did I bother to sit down and visualise what it would do to my child. Would it cause conflict or create a clear flow. (Culturally, academically, emotionally…all of it).

I look at all of these instances and I realise…..at that specific point in time….those decisions were indeed OK. However, somewhere down the line the truth shifted (ie priorities shifted). When the priorities change, ie you start recognizing that the model of the world you once subscribed to is not what it is now and therefore adjustments and changes need to be made. However, this means disturbing a lot of others around you and one heck of a lot of explanations. This makes us sometimes uncomfortable and the amount of energy it takes to get it done also feels overwhelming. The need to be changing schools, homes, jobs, life journey partners, religious beliefs, country can all do this to us.

Typically, at such junctures requiring such significant CHANGE, most of us tend to do the following

  1. Avoid any direct confrontation
  2. Postpone
  3. We bury our heads in the sand, hoping that it will go away. We are now in denial.
  4. We make changes but do not take the trouble to explain in FULL our view point to all the other potential stakeholders. Even if we did, they don’t seem to really buy it. They may accept but not really understand. Hmmmmm…now what do we do ? Just impose our will or continue to educate at every opportunity ?

If point 4 above has not happened, living in this denial starts to grow upon us. As much as we want it to go away it grows that much more. Denial in this aspect of our lives now spills over to all other aspects. Anger, regret, guilt, anxiety, blame, follow. Life suddenly is hell.

At these times we hurt and we hurt bad. We do not identify with or like what we have become. In such moments we take recourse to ways and means that can help us out of the misery. But mostly it is about regrets related to our past actions and anxiety about the future. We develop rationalistic stories and justifications for our past actions and paint new versions of the future based on our current belief sets….(with this little nagging doubt in the corner of our mind….which says you have never really been able to get anything right before what makes you think that this time around you are right in your predictions).   For those of us who are willing to now admit that the stress of these past burdens and potential uncertainties in the offing are hard to handle…we find other means and ways to manage this situation. Fantasies, False hobbies that give us no real lift, alcohol, drugs, short term lustful arrangements and so on.

As we navigated through life, we did not take action at the time when it should have been taken….(ie we started becoming less spontaneous and more passive and subdued). This journey that we called life stopped being exciting and fun and became a burden. We were afraid of making mistakes. In our current version of the world, mistakes are very costly (financially, emotionally, and so also with the time you have so far invested in pursuing this aspect of the journey). How will my crowd react when I share my new truth with them is more important to me than following my inner voice. So, if you see that main pain points are all related to time….its our projections into some future potential / probable happening (which may never happen) and hence unnecessary importance to the linear version of time.

But then, if you look at LIFE there is ONLY “now”. The only way to be is to be spontaneous and do what is necessary NOW. If you are unable to be TOTALLY spontaneous, this is arising out of denial (non-Acceptance) of “what is” (in its entirety that you are currently capable of experiencing). Here is where the relative element comes in. As you grow on this journey you start experiencing more and more of “What is”.

being present 1.jpeg

This is the actual significance of dropping the past and the future from the NOW.

For someone that has mastered wealth and has enough of it, finding a job is not priority anymore. Perhaps finding a meaning to their journey’s is of more importance. Likewise for someone that has awakened all the innate capabilities of their bodies self-healing capability, health-care is no more an issue.

This shift in priority is a realization and happens in a moment. It is that AHAA thingie. It will warrant change. A change which you will now not resist as you did before. You are now more accepting. The timing is right. Its NOW. The same message could have come to you 1000s of times before, but you did not respond then. This time around you can see the chasm and you are prepared to leap and you have leaped. It was no big deal after all. Just the temporary fear of the chasm. But now you are free of this fear. The jump is over. NOW, with your new found direction, come certain experiences and consequences.

What will you now experience ?

  1. Much Relief and freedom, lighter and less burdened
  2. A sense of responsibility and feeling expanded and bigger than before
  3. Less fear, more courage
  4. More energy to get things done
  5. More self esteem
  6. Optimism
  7. Loving life again

What are the consequences and other related impacts of your now new truth …ie making the jump ?

  1. The people you hung out with may not have made the transition. Hence they cannot relate to the new you.
  2. If you care and want to keep them peaceful, then it would become necessary that you communicate to them that ALL IS WELL in a language they understand. Potentially, you may need to do this as many times as there are the number of people.
  3. Many of them, would comprehend what you share, but yet may not be in any position to make the transition or the change that you have made. They may even choose not to or they could go into denial. At this time, there is not much you can do. They have to do it on their own. You can with your all your being, be available for them, should they need you and look at you for help….right at the edge of the chasm.

How are you going to be ?

 

 

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